Cleve darling, where have you been all my life?!

Ok, today I had to spend the better part of my afternoon in the "CFS Spring Faculty Meeting," which was entitled "Embracing the World." I wasn't pumped, or even remotely excited about it. BUT, I had to go. What made it worse, this was my first day in the office this week, AND I was the only person IN the office.

So, not only did I have to go to this blasted thing but I had to go alone. Which, just makes it infinitely worse, because I have to rub elbows with the faculty that make me feel about as stupid as possible with all their faculty-ease.

So I had it in my head I'd get there and then find a good spot to fade into the wall or a nice table to hide under.

I get there. I sit down. I pull out some work (if I look busy maybe no one will try to talk to me). Not so lucky, Cleve sits down next to me. Now, it quickly comes to my attention that Cleve is the "I get too close when I talk to people I just met" kind of communicator.

We’re supposed to be doing this ice breaker thing of answering these questions dealing with diversity and the “global society,” so I’m not rude to Cleve but when he starts breaking out the questions, at uncomfortable closeness range I start getting a little itchy.

Cleve: Do you know who invented Peanut Butter, it’s an African American it says
Mk: Ah, George Washington Carver?

Cleve: How about what country has more English speaking people than the U.S.?
Mk: Hmmm, China perhaps or maybe India? (It was China)

Cleve: What is the 2nd largest city in the world, says 18 million?
Mk: Sao Paulo, Brazil (I really did know that, I don’t remember why)

Ok this goes on and I knew every last one of those stupid questions except “How many people could the Roman Coliseum hold?” And, who really knows that except the guy that sold the stone tickets? Come on!

So, I decide I gotta get up, I can’t sit this close to my new friend Cleve (yes that’s really his name) any longer. So, I say…”I think I’ll see what we have to drink.” Cleve replies oh great I’ll join you. AH! OK…so I decide to make the most of this. I decide if I stand and talk to Cleve then I can back up all over the room if I have to, to maintain a safe distance. So, we stood. And he talked and asked questions.

Cleve is new to the Hoosier State, only been here about a year, he’s from Rochester, NY. His wife is a native, she’s a Methodist Preacher in *small local town.* They have 2 boys both of which live in NYC. Cleve is a behavioral psychologist and is doing his research on the effects of cancer on the family. He works in Child Development….I could go on but you get the point.

Cleve: So you married, any kids (I knew this was coming, b/c well I just know these things)
Mk: Nope neither.
Cleve: What department you work in?
Mk: Foods and Nutrition
Cleve: So are you a “foodie” dietitian or a clinical dietitian.
Mk: A foodie, I love to cook for people.
Cleve: Seriously, how can you be such a good cook and be a red head and not be married, there’s no earthly explanation for that?!
Mk: *um what do I say to that, there were a couple things that came to mind but I went with the following instead* A smile and laugh (both of which I’m sure were pretty fake) and just “ya, I know isn’t that crazy?”

So, my question is…DUDES, WHY HASN’T ANYONE TOLD ME THIS BEFORE? Here I am living 30 years of life and I gotta wait for Cleve to tell me all I needed to do was “get on the internet and tell all the guys you have red hair and can cook?” Man, I’m so excited! I’ve already signed up on Match.com so y’all should probably expect a wedding invitation in a matter of months. I can’t believe I didn’t know this before. *longest sigh ever*

Ok, now I still love this man, even after all this. I know what you’re thinking, WHY, HOW, NO SHE DOESN’T SHE WANTED TO KILL HIM! And while you’re right there, you don’t know “the rest of the story.”

Because Cleve held my attentions so long, I actually ended up staying a little longer than I had anticipated. And thus I was there during the giving away of “door prizes.” I of course couldn’t hear them when they called out 2995209 because Cleve was talking non-stop. But when the room grew silent and I heard the Dean say “If that person isn’t here we’ll have to pick another number,” I piped up and said, “I’m sorry could you repeat that” to which the student worker behind me yells “Hey, we’ve got a winner she’s the winner.” What? My face got totally hot and red as he nudged me in the back.

And what does the Dean hand me? An IPOD NANO, that’s what! I’m like OH MY WORD, I won an IPOD! WHAT! HEY I WON AN IPOD, CLEVE LOOK I WON AN IPOD! Ok, I didn’t really say any of that but I was pretty stoked about the whole thing.

The problem now: no clue what to do with the IPOD NANO.